My Weightloss Ticker

Monday, February 14, 2011

I'm having an overload day!

So I wrote 3 papers today, and still have a presentation due on Wednesday (I think)and another research paper draft due on Friday.

I also made an awesome dinner for my family....

So what's the problem you might ask?

Well, I had a terrible argument with my husband. All out screaming and yelling. I'm tired of being accused of starting shit when I'm not. Why si it such a hard thing to ask of someon to just look at a paper. Not to fix it, or anything. Just give intellectual feedback.

Anyway, I have serious PTSD from childhood physical, mental and emotional abuse. Also from sexual trauma. But, basically it triggered a servere flashback. I dissociated and woke up on the floor under a table.

This was pretty disturbing considering it rarely hapens anymore (it used to happen three times a day on average). And usually if my husband is in the room, he takes care of me and doesn't let me get into things, which I also do for him during his. But this time he didn't which was a fucking slap in the face. I ALWAYS help him. I never abandon him. I never just leave him somewhere to hurt himself just because I might be mad.

So after all te screaming, I realized how shitty I was feeling. I seriousy don't know how I am going to continue. I am hurting so bad. Plus I have a step kid that is just a jerk. They don't give a damn about anyone but themself.

This is all affecting the ED also. It's making me crazy. Either I eat nothing, or I eat too much. Lately its been more of the "too much" though. The only thing on my side is I didn't really gain anything.

I don't know, sometimes I really just want to die. Even though I'll never go there, I do think about it. I also think about cutting again. I haven't done that in a long time though. So...I don't know.

I know this post is really scatter brained but I am not sure what else to say. Thans for reading though.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Wait, my blog following isn't here!

I have been following quite a few of your blogs and now they aen't shwing up. This is depressing. Any ideas?